Welcome to the Recesses of My Mind (Ok, not recesses. More like..."Welcome to the Random Spontaneity of My Mind")

I would like to write more. And by write, I mean type. Even though I have a dozen journals I’ve kept over the years; even though I still write in them from time to time, I now prefer to type. I think my inclination to physically write my thoughts and feelings down using paper and pen was ruined in college. I became so accustomed to typing everything, that I started to get writer’s block if my fingers weren’t on a keyboard. I became so frustrated with this phenomenon, that I was determined to ONLY write in an actual journal. Yet, here we are…I have so many thoughts running around in my head; putting them on paper (whether it be figurative or literal paper) seems to be the only way to get a little peace. I feel like technology is robbing us of our souls; or, at least it is robbing us of our patience. Something I had very little to begin with. I feel like technology makes things so impersonal. Instead of documenting thoughts in our own hand writing, they are documented in the traditional Times New Roman, 12 point font (which I refuse to use anymore)…but, that is how we are programmed. Standard font. Standard spacing. Standard. Standard. Standard. Instead of handwritten letters, we send emails. Instead of phone calls, we send texts. I find myself feeling relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone, so that I can…

CONNECTION! We are missing connection.

Sidebar: welcome to my ADD mind…where I constantly interrupt myself (and others) with random thoughts that intrude in my psyche. I try REALLY hard to disregard them or “shelve” them until I’ve completed the first thought. However, obviously my meds haven’t kicked in yet. I also know that 9 times out of 10, anything I “shelve” will fall into the black hole I often refer to as my mind. My mind is not a steel trap that retains information. It is a black hole, where thoughts fall into a deep abyss…

Ok, back to connection…We are missing connection. Which some days I am a complete “comma whore”. (That’s not what that sentence was supposed to say, but I used a comma that I realized probably shouldn’t have been there and that thought took over the remainder of my sentence. You see how this works? My mind, that is).

Ok, back to connection…We are missing connection. Which some days I am completely OK with. As much of a “people person” as I might seem, it wears me out most days. Exercising a filter and focusing on NOT saying EVERYTHING that comes into my mind can be EXHAUSTING. This constant exercise in exhibiting appropriate social skills isn’t as easy as it seems. I often laugh/cringe when I people tell me I just say what I think. Sometimes, I even get offended/butt hurt. Mainly, because THIS IS ME FILTERED (ok, not right this second, but I mean in every day interactions with others). I worked REALLY hard to be “PC” and not say anything to leave anyone blankly staring at me or in tears; yet, everyone else sees it as me saying what I think! TRUST: Most days, I DO NOT say whatever I am thinking…This is a somewhat scary reality. For everyone involved. Including myself. That being said, I realize it is now 5:56am and I needed to be in the shower 10+ minutes ago. Until next time…that I get up at 5am to do yoga, the DVD doesn’t work, and then I am left staring at my laptop…