Parenting at its finest...

I used to know how to parent until I became one. Prior to children, I was full of, "When I have kids, I'll never...". Everything sounded good in theory. It was very easy to make imaginary kids behave. I never had to use corporal punishment with them or even raise my voice. 

Then I had my own, real, live, children...

Then I realized, parenting is a crap shoot at best. It's chaotic. It's overwhelming. It's confusing. It's (by far) the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also fun. It's exciting. It's motivating. It's a blessing. 

All that being said, I still have no idea what I'm doing. I do the best that I can in the moment and pray to God they turn out alright. I make a concerted effort to model good manners and social skills. I try to be diplomatic and neutral in my discipline. I try, I try, and I try...

Some days, I hit the nail on the head.

Other days, I feel as if I am the nail...

This has resulted in some of my "finest" parenting moments.
For example, my four year old used to have a swear jar. Yes, you've read that correctly. When he was three, he cussed like a sailor. Some would say I do as well. As much as I try to censor myself (trust me, I do), I let it fly from time to time. Needless to say, it catches on. And once they know it's not to be said, they say it even more. Every once in awhile, you will hear Cooper mutter, "fawkin" (sound it out...) to himself when he can't do things, like put on his shoes or open a door. You will also hear him yell at his brother, while in a fit of rage, "stupid, fawkin, ass!"; as if he's developed Tourette's Syndrome suddenly. 

I've heard Isaac say, "for the love of God, Cooper..." and, "you're going to give me a heart attack". Pretty sure I've said those a time or two during our mornings of "routine chaos" trying to get out the door on time. 

After one retaliates because the other has been taunting him, I sometimes turn a blind eye. Hell, sometimes I even laugh (to myself of course). I've even given permission for Cooper to follow through with throwing a car at Isaac, who was blatantly taunting him after stealing Cooper's truck. Isaac was given three chances to return the truck or let Cooper finish and release the wind up I'd intercepted. Isaac chose to take his chances with the wind up...Who would've guessed Cooper would have such good aim? I mean, seriously, he was a toddler at the time...(I considered this a lesson in natural consequences)

I sing, "It's the end of the world as we know it" or, "We can't always get what we want", when they're throwing a fit over something I deem stupid. Oops, "we don't say stupid, momma"...Isaac now sings that to Cooper when he's having a fit.

I've been known to ask in exasperation, "have you lost your damn mind?!". Especially after I caught Cooper chewing on the iPhone charger that was still plugged into the wall. We almost had our own version of National Lampoon's Christmas...

I've let my children sleep in bed with me because I've been too tired to care.

I've let them have candy for breakfast. Or, to make me feel somewhat better, a chocolate chip granola bar. I might even throw in a banana. I have improved on this by the way (for those of you who might like to pass judgement). In which case, I invite you to get the fuck off my blog and don't come back. I say that with love.
Depending on their mood, I may not push them to brush their teeth. It lowers the odds of someone getting a toothbrush jammed down their throat during the epic battle over rights to the step stool.

I've smacked my child upside the back of the head when he's done something outlandish. 

I've flicked them in the ear discreetly in public to get their attention and then smile sweetly when they cry out. 

The list goes on...

However, in spite of those "stellar" moments, I'd like to add:

We sing songs and say prayers every night (OK, we've fallen out of this habit recently, but this was SO true when I started this post a year ago and then got distracted or, more than likely, fell asleep).

Bedtime ends with a kiss (or two), a hug, and four statements: goodnight; I love you; sweet dreams and I'm glad you're my son. I caught Cooper doing the same bedtime routine to his bear once. Isaac now says, "I'm glad you're my mom".
We sing and dance around the kitchen. One of their favorite songs is, "Wildflowers" by Tom Petty because I used to sing it to them every night.
We wrestle and roll around on the floor. (PS: this is a great form of exercise on those days you can't get to the gym)

When I hurt myself and say, "ouch", one or both of them will stop what they are doing and ask, "are you OK, momma?". The other day, I cried out in pain from a back spasm and Isaac started to rub my shoulders in an attempt to help ease the pain. And even though he wasn't close to it, I thanked him greatly for his help.

They typically say, "excuse me" when trying to get someone's attention. Mind you, they say it repeatedly until they are acknowledged, but they say it nonetheless. 

They share! Not all the time. But, I've seen and heard it done! 
We found an injured kitten the other day and I was pleasantly surprised at how gently they handled it and took turns holding it on their laps. (Sidebar: This was shortly after I threatened to kick them if they kicked our dog again. I considered this a lesson in empathy...)

My sailor is very good about saying, "thank you" and according to the Sunday school teacher, he is "the sweetest little boy". Yes, we go to church every Sunday (typically).  
Isaac is very good about saying, "please" and is awesome at spontaneous acts of affection (i.e. a big, random hug or kiss).  

The list goes on...

I've realized, while I'm not the most perfect parent, I still must be doing something right. My kids are four and five. They are boys. VERY active boys I might add! Because of that, there is a certain level of chaos and orneriness to be expected. Outside of that, my boys can be very well behaved, kind-hearted, and compassionate. They are good boys.

Someone once said to me, "if the worst thing your kids ever do, is say the f-word, I think you're alright". 

And I would agree. We're alright.