I Should Pay More Attention to Myself...

I’m tired. And not a little bit tired. To the bone, deliriously, tired. I have felt like shit since yesterday. All of a sudden, in the middle of trying to get shit done, I hit a wall. Nausea, dizziness, fatigue, weak…just all around ugh. I’ve been dragging ass since. Literally. Dragging my ass everywhere today. On my way home from grocery shopping with my dad, I felt like I was going to fall out while driving. And it was only 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I had more errands to run and really didn’t want to go home because I knew I would have terrible time listening to my body and resting when I got home. However, I went home, put my groceries away, and crawled into bed. I slept on and off from 3:30pm to 6:30pm. I probably would’ve slept the entire time had it not been for the fly I can’t seem to kill, buzzing around my ear…

Now, I am not a napper. That is my sister’s realm. I often say, I don’t nap unless I am really sick or dead. And considering I am communicating with you now, I would say the latter is out of the question. Currently, I have laundry to fold, dishes to do, my kitchen table is a mess…but, I can barely keep my eyes open to even type this. After my little nap this afternoon, I was able to eat. However, my functioning is still not up to par…I lost a bag of shredded cheese. And by lost, I mean I had it in my hand one second, not in my hand the next, and no recollection of what I did with it in between. I looked in the fridge 3 times, the pantry, and the bedroom. I figured I just carried it with me and put it down. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve found random things in odd places. I finally found it on the 2^nd shelf of the refrigerator. In plain sight. Right in front of my face. Later on, I opened the dryer to get a roll of toilet paper. And those are only two of the things I remember off the top of my head.

Needless to say, as soon as I am done with this, I am going to bed. Period. The lesson I’ve learned today is to take care of myself. I think I spend so much time trying to get it all done and pushing myself to the absolute limit, that eventually my body says, “fuck you, I am DONE”. No matter how hard my mind tries to push, my body digs its heels in and refuses to do anything else. Then I spend time that I could’ve used being productive, recuperating from my previous attempt at uber-productivity. Bottom line: I will never get it all done. There will always be a list. I am always going to be a work in progress. If I don’t take care of me, what progress I have made will fall apart around me, so I need to listen to my body more and my crazy ass mind less…

PS: While attempting to post this, my internet wasn't working...I don't understand why they find it necessary to tell me that Internet Explorer isn't responding. As if, I didn't notice that my obnoxious clicking wasn't effective. Until 15 screens pop up...